a zombie in spring

(day 20)

Spring Break is coming and besides extra kid time, it’s not usually something I get overly psyched about. It’s always still cold and whatever. But I’m pretty tired. Just, like a whole body mind everything all the time tired. So are lots of you. I know. So I think this Spring Break will be welcomed at least from a try to not be that anymore for a while perspective.

 

I had a Slice in my head pretty well drafted on my way to the gym after dropping the littler ones. Had. This is going to be a recurring theme to go along with the tired thing. I dropped the kids and there’s a Target directly on my way from there to my gym so I stopped and grabbed my protein shakes and some floss and then I went to the gym. And I wrote a Slice in my head. Thing is, I can’t remember it at all. I had a sentence where I used “myriad” in a cool way that I think involved alliteration of some sort. Anyways, it’s gone. Because, tired. You know.

 

So I went to the gym and somehow sweated the whole Slice out. I realized that when I got into the car afterward. I know I can whip up some angsty couch trip, I do almost every day during this thing. But as soon as I realized I couldn’t even remember the subject of the thing I felt defeated. Like I already did the work (I most definitely did not) so it would be double excruciatingly unfair to do it again. Then I thought about how blown away I am constantly reading all these Slices every day and how so many of you can write so nicely, delicately, concisely – summing up a moment of your day that stuck out and was made memorable by your clever writer’s minds. I can’t do that. I mean, look at this big clunky thing already! All this to finally say I decided to try and write one of those. Haha. Brief and detailed heartfelt small moment. Like a Slice (in my head) is supposed to and like (I don’t think) I’ve ever actually done! Ugh. So, yeah, I figured I’d take a stab because as I was pondering the unfair nature of my exhausted post-gym brain error and subsequent accidental deletion, I started seeing everything like a cartoon predator sees the funny star of the show as a lamb chop or whatever. I wanted to find a small moment to do what lots of you do so well and look at me already ruining it with my over examination. Awesome.

 

Today is the first day of Spring, for example. Perfect template for a contemplative post. I’m sure there are a bunch of lovely pieces amongst today’s offerings. I always read after I post so I don’t accidentally steal. Usually some scrap of an idea borrowed or spark of inspiration finds its way into the next day’s Slice but I like to give it a day to marinate before just blindly ripping folks off. I was thinking maybe I could conjure some kind of Spring something but then another thing happened so, finally, here we go. My supposed departure from using you guys as a personal ventilation system. My go-to shrink’s couch, if you will. I’m sure I’ll be back tomorrow.

 

So, no angst or deep thoughts. Just the moment. So instead of retaining this story in my head at the gym I realize I need to get some shampoo and I noticed this morning I only have one pack of lifesavers left in the lifesaver compartment, so I can grab those too from Target right around the corner. Both things, I considered, could be picked up tomorrow. I do still have a Slice to think up and write tonight, I thought. But usually on Thursday nights I don’t get home from the gym until between 10 and 11 and why add in a Target stop when it was now only 6 something and I’d just finished the gym and, despite having a brand new Slice to come up with, could probably just get it done real quick now when I have time. Because I’ve been really tired lately and Thursday nights when I get home between 10 and 11 I go right to bed. I don’t always go right to sleep (dumb) but I do always try. So, tired.

 

I know that memes about Target are a thing. I’m not too old to know that. I think of Walmart as the “Saddest Place on Earth” and this isn’t based off of the news that leaks out of there or the documentaries or anything, and I’m sure it’s just a lucky coincidence or something I am believing into reality based on preconceived notions but I wind up ironically having to go to a Walmart maybe once a year and every time from parking lot to check out everything and everyone I see, worker and customer, just seems miserable. I know there are some Walmart die-hards out there and I don’t mean anything slanderous to your world of shopping but in my experiences- no thank you. So, I go to Target a lot. Like in the memes. All that relatable stuff.

 

And now I get to the point where I’ve ruined my attempt at a brief post, which I’m not going to delete because I’ve already deleted a whole one in my head remember, so that’s not happening, and I realize my small moment twist thing is dumb and will not pack the wallop I somehow thought it would when I started. The cartoon lamb chop was but a mirage. But in the moment (I am exhausted by the way) it seemed like something. I was sitting there, in the Target parking lot, and I did what I always do which is make a mental list of what I’m going in for. Jewel has the monopoly game going right now so I go there when I can because I’m going to win jet skis or something one of these days. But I do have a list of things that I only get there so I run it down: shaving cream gel stuff, lifesavers, shampoo (2 bottles because somehow shower and gym bag bottles ran out at exactly the same time!), then I need a dark brown belt because the light brown one I have looks stupid but have no clue how much belts at Target (or anywhere really) cost so I’ll check that out and then the other thing I get at Target are my protein shakes. My one dumb meathead gym thing I do. I don’t know why. So something in my head says I may have recently gotten a new 4 pack. Hmm. I remember very clearly packing the last one in my gym bag, which I actually just finished drinking after the workout I was coming from, so why did I feel like I didn’t need them? I push the thought away, mental shopping list in the vault, and I dig my car keys off the bottom of the passenger side seat underneath my coat and gym bag. And, a Target bag. From when I got the floss and protein shakes. A couple hours ago directly before the gym session I was just now coming from. Yikes. Tired. I cannot believe I forgot floss accidentally on the second Target trip of the night!

 

That was it. Maybe next time I’ll do it right. Haha. No angst though, really. Well, except it dawned on me how lazy I was to keep going to Target when I could probably find a mom n pop belt store with a little more effort on my part. I don’t consider it the Saddest Place on Earth but I do keep feeding it money and every day there are fewer and fewer small businesses and that’s just downright sad. Seriously. So lazy, me. Ok. Maybe a little angst. I honestly am truly amazed at how well so many of writers and writing teachers do this so deftly. Kudos to you for sure. And of course, happy Spring!

4 thoughts on “a zombie in spring

  1. Whether it was intentional or not, you wrapped this around and through deftly and with humor (which, for what it’s worth, is exactly what I needed right now). I appreciate the raw & honest. I think you gave voice to what some of us feel when we peruse the beautiful writing that others are able to put together.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s