Taking the L

Slice 2

Teachers know from which kids are milking the (very unfair) system and which kids just do not respond to distance learning – those whose missing ingredients to success are rooted firmly and solely within the buildings standing specifically for this task – learning. 

My middle guy is one of them. How difficult it has really been has served as an eye opener on a level which I am not prepared to delve into for a slice. But I know it’s made me a more compassionate teacher. Most days.

My middle guy is the athlete and he’s sensitive (but is also 13, and an athlete, so does not want that known) and, for whatever reason, has ALWAYS been little-kid adamant that he wants a dog. Like, stereotypical ‘tween kid show plotpoint LUST for NEEDING a dog. 

She beat me to it yesterday. Their mom, my ex. Another topic I’m not going to fully slice into is my living situation, but the plan has been to get to a place where FINALLY getting that kid a dog and thus, making me a hero, has been set into motion for this summer. But. Meh.

So it goes.

I couldn’t muster the excitement warranted and demanded by the kids when they video messaged me with the surprise. I didn’t like their adorable pics on socials, and I click the thing on just about every little anything they post. And that just made me feel worse. I am petty personified. Ugh. I know enough to know the myriad “battles” I’ve “lost” since the divorce belong in quotation marks. I also know those inner defeats are inner, and not slice-ready, either.

I further know that those kids, my middle guy especially, are on cloud 9 right now. My middle guy missed his online 1st period this morning, a class he’s specifically drowning in, and I’m sure it has to do with his first night with a puppy in the house. We’re at the point where pushing almost certainly means breaking and that’s about the toughest spot I’ve been in as a parent. 

That might be a slice soon. A thinly shaved off the top nutshell meandering, perhaps. Those depths are also unsliceable. For me anyways.

Despite my dancing I feel this slice bares enough soul for one day. She beat me. And I know I feel this way due to a perspective it’s hard for me to shake, and one of my own making. Or at least one I allow past trauma to keep upright and sturdy. 

But mostly I know he’s happy and that’s been real hard to do lately. And maybe she needed a win. This was a big one. Momentous. I don’t know enough about her anymore to know whether she did or not, and that’s ok, but maybe she did. And if it means he’s happy, I can be happy she got one. 

Seems I have some adorable pictures to go “like”.

7 thoughts on “Taking the L

  1. I am struck by the idea of skating on the surface and tending to what is “slice worthy” and what is private; it is something I feel deep in my bones. I appreciate, too, the gentle humor that you always seem to weave into your writing. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. There are so many things to say in response!

    First- I am right there with you with my 14 year old, with the exception that he’s a super introverted non-athlete. People who don’t have kids thrashing and flailing in these shark-infested waters just DO NOT get it. Even if they think they do. Nope. The pushing, the worrying… all of it. I’m right there with you.

    Second- I love how you play on some of the words! Very witty!

    Third- Your concluding paragraph. Ouch. I’m sorry for all the unwritten history hiding inside it. Also, a sincere pat on the back for letting that excitement and that “win” live.

    Thank-you for sharing. Vulnerable posts are hard. I’ve made some. I have some planned. Parenting is one of those areas for me. Always.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As you wove this slice so well, and told the reader so much, you also let us know there is still so much more under the surface. The way you revealed that it is all not ready to be written about it so real. Thank you for sharing and not sharing. When you are ready, it will help to write about those underlying emotions. You know that and have stated it well. When you are ready….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As sorry as I am for your “loss” in this situation, I think it is pretty big of you to come around and see that she might need this win more than you do. Or she just really did not know that you needed it too!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Remote learning has definitely been eye opening for parents (me too). Kids are struggling on so many different levels. Wherever they (we) can find joy is a win in my book. It’s noble to not see this as your loss but her win. You’ve got a big heart, enjoy the pics and I bet that puppy will be in your heart too, soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ummmm….were you in MY house? I have a 17 year-old athlete who’s also slipping, who’s also a softie but don’t say anything about it, where pushing almost always means pushing back. So…yes. I identify with you wholeheartedly. We also got a puppy just recently. Not sure what we were thinking. Our older dog CERTAINLY is wondering why on earth we’ve brought this ruffian into our home. But oh. She has certainly hit a soft spot for our boy. Thanks for this slice!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I simply love this. I too struggle with how big of a slice I’m willing to dish. I am so sorry for your “loss” and love how you looked at this situation from so many different viewpoints. Go like those pics 🤪 p.s. let us know if the boys get tired of the dog. My nephews begged for a dog and loved it for a few weeks and then decided that the dog was too much responsibility.

    Liked by 1 person

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