Poof – like that, it’s over for another year. Once again I marveled at so many writers and their abilities which stretch far beyond my own. It’s just like at work. This is one area in which I am humbled daily. In some corners of the world (or our community) we can get such a bad rap and if my building is home to many many marvelous wizards teaching children everyday for almost no money, extrapolating that out to the rest of my community, and beyond, staggers the imagination. I am but a tiny fish in a massive, underappreciated ecosystem and I really hope to learn from everyone I can, as much as I can.
As always I wrote whatever came to mind that day and, as always, I got my thoughts a little jumbled, I did my jiggy tangent dance all over the page, and vomited it out for public consumption. Then I’d go on to read other slicers and notice all the ways everyone is better than me at being concise, and creating large ideas from small moments – painting verbal pictures for me, the reader, with such precision and easy strength. Whereas, for the most part, my writing mind went right to the dummy depths and filled my slices with all the kicked up sludge that doesn’t seem to fit on the rectangle of thought that everyone else seemed to organize so nicely.
And that’s not to say, at all, that what I was reading wasn’t deep. Goodness, no. I laughed and cried and read some that made me think long after I issued my silly comments of appreciation. There’s just nothing like having something up for comparison to realize one’s own flaws. This isn’t self flagellation for pity’s sake. This is a thank you note. Not just to this year’s slicers but to everyone who helps me be grounded and well-rounded. Or at least makes me want to be.
And so, yes, it all comes back to me. Haha. The narcissist who doesn’t think much of himself. The earnest dog chasing his tail for a belly rub and a treat. I’m a rollercoaster still. I am aware. I can be the life of a party and I can go an entire day without speaking about myself or how I feel unless prodded, and even then I give it up out of respect for the asker. And I don’t write for me anymore like I grew up doing. I’ve lost lots of myself over the last few years. Some was taken and some was ashes surrendered willingly to the breezes reluctantly lifting them from my possession. I guess the important part there is that I am aware of all of it, even the parts I don’t yet understand. So that’s what March allows me to take back a little and, without really planning on it, I squeeze all of my communication to the world into 31 days.
I probably need it. So, thank you. We never know what comes next. It is scary on the one hand, but on the other inconsistency has become dependable so I’m always on guard. With that in mind I will just say that I hope to see you all again next year, along with the plethora of new faces, or at least blog headers, that we see every year. Thank you for your inspirational writing and for reading my stuff and sending over such lovely bits of encouragement. We are a community. Us in the slice world, the teaching world, and just us in the human sense. I hope we are trending more toward acting like that as we prepare to hand this society over to those we are currently preparing for just such a step. I’d like to think 2021 can only be better than the year previous. Let’s try and remember that it can be if we make it so.