Worm Moon, Or Whatever

Day 18

Jittery like a job interview. It’s not, but still. You know. That feeling. Live or die, but not even close. But still. You know the sensory overload doesn’t always come in the correct dosage required for the impending event like an interview like being called to the principal’s office like a first date with the one you want to eventually, simply, call “her” and everyone knows who “she” is based on the obvious and on the lilt in your voice when the pronoun is uttered as your aura glows.

You’re on the field with the game on the line or the phone is ringing and the thing says it’s someone who only calls with the big stuff. 

You take solace in the fact that it’s not like you’re going to be crippled or die or anything. But still. 

When it feels like one right move can unlock your own specific everlasting treasure room? 

But unnoticed bad hair placement or having the light catch you in just such a horribly perfect snapshot moment where you unassumingly make a face with the distortion of a glitched perfectly badly timed candid shot someone you just met posted on Insta that you just know everyone has seen before you remove the tag indicting you for your true hideous nature? Knowingly placing yourself in a position where something like that will surely be your downfall? With so much at stake? 

Well, in your frazzled mind, anyways. 

I suppose this is where that confidence stuff comes into play. You jump headlong into the tornado. You mind the swirling winds of doubt. You Jedi through the debris of impending possible disappointing doom. You are abuzz with possibilities. Aflame with hope. Your senses reel and you are nothing but a living breathing live wire crackling and jumping.

And even if you can find a drop of the confidence you buried in the depths of your knowing heart for a rainy day you are yet an explosion of nerves and excitement. 

But still. 

“If everything could ever be this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I’ll ever ask of you

You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when”

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